Tell Me You Do
by BurntBreadAndShinyPearls
Summary: She'd run when things got tough, and he'd take her back each time. That's how things were, it was what they did. But after it has happened too many times, Katniss has a few things to learn about love, as well as a few things to prove to Peeta if she wants him back. Modern Day AU. Rating may change to M.
1. Chapter 1

A/n: This idea came to me and I haven't been able to stop writing it. The more I write about it, the more invested I become, so I've decided to post it on here, even though I wasn't going to originally. Some of you may be angry/frustrated that I've posted a new story without finishing my other WiP's, but looking back on those, I've lost where I really wanted to go with them. Until I figure it out, I won't be updating them for a while.

Please give this story a chance. It may seem odd, reading it without knowing much of the background story, but that will all unfold with each chapter, so don't worry!

I feel super passionate about this plot and I really hope you all give it a chance and find it interesting and intriguing. I feel as if this will be my favourite story to write, being able to write Katniss' adventure to learn a few things. This first chapter isn't too short, but I feel my chapters will become more longer after this so, if you'd like that, then stick around. :)

Leave a review (and follow/favourite) if you seem to be interested in this! Or PM me. You can also find me on tumblr at .com.

_I do not own The Hunger Games._

* * *

This was their thing.

It's what they did. She would run when things got too overwhelming, and then he'd beg for her to come back to him. And she always did, because that's the only place she ever wanted to be.

With him.

But, right then, her phone was void of any messages or calls from him. She even clicked on their old message conversation just to make sure she hadn't accidentally missed a text from him. She stared at his name in her phone, it was something silly. He had put it in himself. _Sir Mellark._ And the last message was from two weeks ago when she cut him off once again: _Katniss, I can't do this again._

And she didn't answer him. No, because he was supposed to text her again the next day and tell her to come see him, to call him. But no texts ever came after that one. Katniss was frustrated, and maybe a little hurt too, with him. That was not what they did...they always came back together.

"You know what, Brainless?"

Johanna's sharp voice made her phone clatter onto her desk from her hands, and Katniss felt uneasy. Johanna was always up for a lecture and Katniss always seemed to be on the receiving end of it as of late.

"I'd ask what, but you're going to tell me even if I don't."

Johanna came over to her desk and leaned her hip against it, settling her intense gaze on Katniss. "Now, I'm gonna tell it to you straight since Madge and Annie don't have the balls. I think Finnick might, but I'm not waiting around for him to do this."

"Do _what_?" Katniss asked, crossing her arms.

"You fucked up, Kat. There's no other way to say it. You royally fucked up with Peeta," Johanna said bluntly, flicking her hair over her shoulder. "You know I told you...I told you not to date in our circle of friends. But you did, and you know what? That was okay once I saw you and Peeta together...But then the on and off agains started happening-"

Katniss breathed out and turned away from her friend to look out the window. She felt her friend's heated stare and it made her irritated.

"I know, okay? But...but we've always-"

"What, you thought you could keep breaking his heart whenever you got scared? Fuck, Katniss, that's not how it works."

Katniss huffed and spun back around to face Johanna. Why should she sit there and listen to _Johanna Mason _of all people? She'd much rather wallow in her own self-pity and anger than listen to her spew what Johanna thinks is advice.

"Oh, right, like you have the best track record with guys?"

Johanna met Katniss with a levelled glare, but she wasn't intimidated by Johanna. "At least I know how to own up to my faults. It's something you should learn."

Katniss watched as she marched out of her office, but she wasn't too worried. She and Johanna did that all the time; they snapped at each other, but by the next hour they were back to themselves.

Just like her and Peeta would be soon.

* * *

"You coming out for Friday night drinks?" Johanna asked as they closed up their office, a small building apart of a strip with the sign _Mason's Design._

_See, _Katniss thought. _We're back to normal._

Katniss stalled with her hand holding her keys in mid-air. Their group of friends always got together on Friday nights for dinner or drinks, and Peeta was apart of that group. Her stomach had nervous flutters at the thought of seeing him, but maybe when he saw her tonight, they'd fall back into each other's arms.

_Because that's what we do_, Katniss reminded herself. God, she needed to stop with her inner talking.

"I'll be there," Katniss said, and then continued to unlock her car door. Johanna eyed her curiously, but shrugged and waved goodbye.

Katniss drove home with anticipation bubbling in her. She tried to think of things that she could say to Peeta. Maybe something sweet and funny, like "_hey, I'm sorry I left again...I'm glad you're here, I missed you more than my old jeans." _Or she could always go for the bold, sexy line, like "_Let's get out of here."_

But nothing seemed to stick. She never knew how to get her words out properly around Peeta. Well, it only became hard once she tried to express her feelings. When they first met, it was somewhat easier, but Katniss remembered when she was momentarily rendered speechless by him.

_~Flashback~_

_Katniss was always jealous of Finnick's place. He was barely twenty-five, but he inherited money from his deceased parents. He wasn't stupid with his money, but that didn't stop him from buying a home with a pool the size of Canada._

_Music played through the speakers on the deck, the kind of music Katniss liked. Soft with a touch of pop and indie. The sun beat down, making the day hotter than usual in October, but Katniss didn't mind. She liked the heat._

_"This is definitely the hottest fall season ever," Madge said next to Katniss as she tied her blonde hair up, revealing the red sunburn on her shoulders. Her friend frowned at the burn and huffed. "Ugh, I even burn in October!"_

_Katniss smirked. "Hard life, huh?"_

_Madge didn't answer her, instead the blonde's head craned to look at something past Katniss. Her eyes widened and she tapped Katniss' arm hurriedly. "Oh my- _who _is that?"_

_Katniss, not thinking much of it, turned in her chair and found her eyes locking on a stocky guy, with blond hair that shone so bright under the sun and arms that were sculpted perfectly. He smiled and shook hands with Thresh. Katniss couldn't tear her eyes away. That guy, Blondie, was attractive in a way she'd never seen before. Not gorgeous like Finnick, or ruggedly handsome like Gale, but...Blondie was _hot. _Hot and cute and handsome - all of it._

_And as he looked up from something that Thresh and Finnick said with a laugh, his eyes caught hers. Madge nudged her arm again and chuckled._

_"He's so checking you out."_

_Blondie, as Katniss dubbed him, lifted the corner of his mouth into a boyish grin. It felt like years before their trance was broken by Finnick waving her and Madge over. Katniss took a gulp on her Corona before getting up from her chair and following a step behind Madge._

_"There are my two girls! Wait- where's my third girl? Annie? And Johanna!" Finnick looked around the yard, but only shrugged after a few seconds. "Whatever, their loss."_

_"Shut up, Finnick, you sound like a pimp," Madge said and shoved him lightly. "They said they went to the store to get ice and more drinks, or something."_

_"Oh." Is all Finnick said before shrugging again and smiling brightly. His hand clamped on Blondie's shoulder, but Katniss kept her eyes trained on Finnick. "This guy right here, is Peeta Mellark. My old buddy from Berkley - just moved to San Diego this week. And he'll be rooming with me until he finds a place, so make him feel welcome."_

_Madge stuck out her hand and Katniss shifted her gaze to their hands. Blondie, or Peeta Mellark, had hands that looked strong and smooth, and Katniss bit her lip. _

_"Hi, I'm Madge. I'm sure we'll have no problem in making you feel welcomed-"_

_"Cute, Madge," Finnick interrupted. "But I was talking about Katniss, here." Katniss' head snapped up at the mention of her name and she glared at Finnick. "See! No glaring at Peeta like that."_

_"I only glare at you 'cause you're an asshole," Katniss replied and defiantly turned to Peeta Mellark. She was ready to introduce herself and maybe even shake his hand, but any kind of thought process was cut off when she caught sight of his eyes._

_They were a deep blue, but also they had slivers of different shades that made his eyes seem like crystals. They held a look of intelligence and calmness, and it reminded Katniss of an ocean made out of mosaic glass._

_"Hi," Peeta said after a moment, and Katniss noticed a dazed look on face along with red cheeks. "I'm...I'm Peeta Mellark. It's nice to meet you."_

_"I'm Katniss," she said quickly and shook her head slightly. "Uh, Katniss Everdeen." And she tried not to cringe at how lame she sounded._

_Peeta stuck out his hand, and she gripped it in a shake, though he held on longer before releasing and grinning at her again._

_"That's a nice name. It's different...and it reminds me of spring time. I, ah, I like spring time."_

_Katniss felt her lip curl into a smirk and she took a step back. "Good to know, Peeta." Her smirk grew when he gave a goofy smile stemmed from embarrassment._

_She turned on her heel and Madge joined her side quickly, a large grin on the girl's face._

_"He's checking you out again," she murmured. "You're so into him, too."_

_Katniss stopped abruptly and turned to her friend with raised eyebrows. "I just met the guy, slow down."_

_"Okay, well, you stared at him for a good two minutes before introducing yourself. It was kinda cute actually-" Madge stopped and took a step away. "Well, guess who's coming over!"_

_"Uh, hi, Ladies."_

_Katniss bent down and grabbed her Corona, taking a swig before allowing herself to say anything to Peeta._

_"You want a drink, Peeta? I'm going for a refill."_

_"Sure...um, just water for now. Thanks, Madge."_

_The blonde skipped away, but not before winking at Katniss behind Peeta's back._

_"Corona, huh?"_

_"Guilty," Katniss replied and rolled the bottle between her hands._

_"So...what else do you like besides Coronas?" Peeta asked and eyed her with slight flirtation._

_Katniss grinned behind her bottle and shrugged. "You'll have to find out."_

_~End Flashback~_

* * *

Katniss made sure she wore her nicest jeans, the stonewashed slim fits that Peeta loved, and her nicest sleeveless blouse. She was outside the restaurant/bar, that they always went to, just after seven-thirty. She wasn't on time, but she wasn't too late, either.

She was right on time to be the last one there. And, so when she walked in, Peeta's eyes would land on her and they'd make up. Because even though she ran, she always, deep down, wanted to come back. And that thought scared her.

It was funny in a weird way. She ran because she knew her feelings for Peeta were becoming more real than she ever intended, but she always came back because of them. And because it felt nice to be wanted.

Katniss walked in the dim space and the host smiled and nodded at her as he let her walk through the room to the outside patio doors where they usually sat. She stepped back outside and squinted against the sun that started to set. Her table, with all her friends, erupted in cheers as they spotted her. They all did, except for one. Peeta.

Her heart did a weird thing in her chest and it felt funny to breathe.

And suddenly, all her thoughts of him running up to her and forgiving her seemed far off and silly. She could tell by the way he took a long sip of his beer that he was upset.

"We almost thought you got abducted or something," Gale said from his seat next to Thresh. He pulled out the chair next to him and motioned for Katniss to sit, and she did. Right across from Peeta, too.

"Get caught up in reading again?" Madge asked with a grin, and Katniss knew everyone was trying to keep the mood light. She knew that secretly they were all disappointed in her. Secrets didn't stay secret in their group for long, and surely everyone knew of her and Peeta. Whatever was happening between them.

She played along, though. "Sure did."

A server came by and brought Katniss her usual Corona, and she smiled in thanks. The table fell into easy conversation, though Katniss couldn't say what it was about. She was too busy trying to catch Peeta's eye, but he didn't look up once. The grooves in the table seemed more appealing to him.

It must've been a really nice table, though, because Katniss found herself staring down at it, too. She felt her phone vibrate in her lap and looked down to find a group message from Johanna to her, Annie and Madge.

_Bathroom. Now._

Katniss sighed and excused herself first. Of course Johanna would find another reason to lecture her for the second time in one day. And she was bringing Annie and Madge as back up, too.

Before she disappeared back inside, she looked over her shoulder at Peeta. He was picking at the label on his beer bottle intently with his brows furrowed, and Katniss felt her stomach twist. She didn't like to see him like that.

Katniss played with her hair while she waited in the empty bathroom, bracing herself for whatever she was in for. Johanna came in, followed by Annie and Madge, and the three girls looked over Katniss.

"Get it over with."

"I already told you everything I needed to earlier," Johanna said and uncrossed her arms, going over to lean against the counter next to Katniss. "He just...Shit, Katniss, he looks sad. Really sad."

Katniss nodded, she knew that much.

"Yeah, Kat. What exactly happened?" Madge asked gently, and Katniss appreciated the lack of accusation in her tone.

"Same thing as always," she mumbled and looked at the floor with shame. Madge knew...Madge knew how hard it was for Katniss. To feel for someone. "He takes me back, though. He _always _does...but this time..."

"He's tired of always cleaning up after this shit you pull-"

"Johanna!" Annie snapped. Usually reserved and calm, she shot a look at Johanna, her green eyes heated. "Do you always have to be so...so _rude_?"

"_Yes_, I do," Johanna gritted out at the brunette. "Because that's the only way Katniss will fucking get it!"

"I. Get. It." Katniss pushed away from the counter. "I get it, Johanna. I've gotten it every time, too. And I can't help it...Fight or flight, and all I've ever known is flight, okay? I don't need you to fucking lecture me every goddamn day, because I know. I know better than anyone else how much of a screw up I am, and I don't need your shit all the time!"

It was quiet for a minute after Katniss finished with a heaving chest. It was either from anger, or from the fact that she felt tears prick behind her eyes. Neither of the four were willing to speak as she looked her most vulnerable. But Johanna broke it with a sigh.

"Ah, shit, Katniss. I'm sorry-"

"Johanna, just leave her alone right now. Can you two give us a minute?" Madge said. The two girls nodded and left wordlessly. You just couldn't compete with a friendship like Madge and Katniss'. "Again?"

"I know what you're thinking, Madge..."

"No, you don't, Katniss. I'm just...I just want to know why again?"

Katniss sighed loudly and made a noise of anger. "He...Peeta just does these things! These things that are so, so nice and they make me feel good, and I don't know what to do! I can't...How can I do the same for him when I-" Katniss cut herself off and shook her head. "...I don't know."

When he came to apartment just to make her dinner because he knew she hadn't been eating properly. When he would remember little things about her, like her favourite episode of _Friends _is '_The One With All the Rugby._' He had always been so sweet, and she started to fear for the inevitable downfall. Nothing stayed perfect and good.

Her parents taught her that much.

* * *

The table cleared out around eleven at night when the warm summer air began to turn chilly, with a cool and salty breeze coming off the ocean. Katniss crossed her arms to keep warm as she waited for her bill along with Finnick, Annie and Peeta. Peeta, who had only looked at her once that whole night. And when he did, he looked away quickly.

Their bills came, and as Katniss finished paying, Annie walked by and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before her and Finnick bidded their goodbyes.

Katniss didn't attempt at speaking and neither did Peeta as they left the table wordlessly. She'd like to think this was their way of resolving what happened, but it wasn't.

They made it out the doors and onto the sidewalk, lit with bright lights from neighbouring stores and businesses, and Katniss couldn't help but notice the way Peeta's eyes shone under the red lights from the restaurant's sign. They looked something close to indigo.

Peeta seemed to be conflicted on whether to stay, or to keep walking to his car parked on the street. And Katniss made the first attempt at conversation to stop him from leaving if he planned to.

"Peeta," she said quietly, feeling feeble and small when his eyes landed on hers for the first time all night. His eyes were dull and he didn't smile at her like he _always _did.

"Katniss."

"What, um, are you doing tonight?"

Peeta stared at her for a long time before answering. "Going home, and then to bed."

"Oh," Katniss said, the single word dripping with disappointment. She was caught off guard by the answer she wasn't expecting. Wasn't he supposed to invite her over? Tell her that everything was okay between them?

"Yup."

"You didn't call. Or text," Katniss said, the words escaping her mouth before she could process how stupid she sounded. _Stupid._

Peeta looked almost incredulous. He shook his head and let out a sound of something mixed between a laugh and scoff.

"I did, Katniss. The morning after I woke up to find you gone once again. At first...I thought maybe, just maybe, you went home early and didn't want to wake me. Or maybe you went out to pick up breakfast for us. But I was wrong."

Katniss felt her heart clench as she pictured herself in Peeta' shoes. And she didn't like it. But she couldn't tell Peeta that. How stupid would that sound? _'Yeah, if you did that to me I'd be so livid. I'd hate you.' _No, she couldn't tell him that.

Katniss also couldn't tell him why she left either. He asked plenty of times when she ran off before, but she'd always tell him it was nothing. And he wouldn't push it, he'd just give her a sad and hurt look that made her feel even worse.

"I...God, I'm sorry."

"Sorry? I know you are. That much is obvious, Katniss. But sorry doesn't always make it better."

"But...Peeta, this is us. It's what we do-"

"No," Peeta interrupted and shook his head vehemently. "No, Katniss, it's what _you _do. _You_ leave, I don't."

Katniss stood there and tried to get herself to do something, anything that could help her. Though she couldn't think of anything, and her thoughts became panicked as it felt like Peeta was slipping away.

"Katniss, I care about you so much. More than anyone else...but I can't keep doing this, going through this." Peeta ran a hand through his blond hair and Katniss tried to convince herself that she didn't see tears in his eyes. "I want to be with you, but do you want to be with me? Because I'm...I'm not so sure if you do."

Katniss was quick to answer, almost desperate. "I do, Peeta!"

"Maybe...maybe it's time you could show me that you do, Katniss. This can't feel one sided anymore." And, as quick as a breeze, the anger and hurt faded from Peeta's voice and turned into guarded gentleness. Peeta was never one for staying angry too long, Katniss knew that.

"Are we...Peeta, are we over?" Katniss asked and she heard her own voice tremble despite her best efforts to stay composed. "Or, can we maybe start over?"

Peeta looked at her intently, as if he were studying her. "That's up to you now."

Katniss didn't know what he meant. Was she supposed to tell him that she wanted to start over and stay together? Or did he expect her to pretend as if they never met and then ask him out on date? She certainly couldn't do the latter. She just wanted her Peeta back, she wanted them back.

She remained unmoving, and Peeta breathed in deeply before letting his shoulders slump as he made a move to walk to his car.

But Katniss was feeling beyond desperate now. She wasn't used to this...to Peeta being the one to walk away. He couldn't just leave like that. That wasn't the Peeta she knew.

He was the fight and she was the flight. _Fight and flight. _Together they were good. Together they made sense, together they were natural.

"No bye?"

And Peeta stilled his movements. He looked down briefly - and it almost seemed as if he wanted to smirk. But when he looked back up at her, his face was neutral. He faced her and leaned in, and Katniss felt her lips pucker slightly, ready for the kiss that she had been yearning for over the past two weeks.

Except his lips didn't meet hers. They met her right cheek and she felt so stupid for thinking he'd actually kiss her at that moment. And she also felt angry. And sad. Her eyes also stung, too, but she tried to ignore that.

"Bye," he said.

Katniss watched him walk across the street, down to his car. She watched him get in his car. She watched him slowly pull out of his parking space. And she watched him drive down the street.

She watched him leave her.

* * *

It was after midnight, but Madge was a good friend. The best one. She answered Katniss' call and didn't complain about the time, she just waited for Katniss to speak.

"He said it's up to me," Katniss said as she finished explaining what happened earlier. Madge was always much better at helping Katniss out with this.

"Well, Kat, I think maybe you've got to show him that you do care, that you want things to work out." Madge's voice was gentle through the speaker of the phone. "You have to look at it from Peeta's perspective, too. He's the one that chases you...maybe he wants to be chased."

"But..."

But that's not how it goes. Peeta was the one who knew how to handle a relationship. He was good at the relationship part, and Katniss was not. She wasn't good at the words, or dealing with the feelings, or whatever. She relied on Peeta for that.

Then he went and made it her job.

"I know, but at least if you try...you did your best."

"You're making it sound like I'm going to lose him," Katniss said with pain coursing through her as she curled up more on the couch, staring at the muted TV. "I don't want to lose him, Madge."

"No, no. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant, it'd be worse to not try at all," Madge explained on the other end. "I'm not going to lie, Katniss - you do have a lot of stuff to make up for. But you and Peeta are far from over. You just...you need to open up to him if you really want to save what you guys have."

She knew that. She knew that she had to tell him why she ran, why she was scared. But how could she get it out into words? She was terrible with words.

"I know you can do it. Come on, I remember the way you were drooling over him when you two first met in October. I vaguely remember hearing you _flirt. _Katniss Everdeen, you _flirted."_

Katniss found herself chuckling at the memory. She and Peeta couldn't even get through a few flirty sentences before they laughed together.

"I wouldn't have considered that good flirting."

"Ah," Madge said with the cluck of her tongue. "It was still flirting, nonetheless."

"He was so..."

"So hot?"

"Yeah," Katniss chuckled. "When we met...he was the first guy I ever really _noticed_. He left an impression."

"Must've been doing something right, huh?"

"I think I'll give him a few days to himself," Katniss said, sounding a plan out loud. "Then maybe...I don't know. Do I call him?"

Madge moved on the other end of the line, the sound of ruffling sheets. "Yeah. Start simple, Katniss. Ask him how work is going, his family. You know- just try to be involved."

Admittedly, Katniss never did that often. She asked him once in a blue moon how his day went. Even when he look upset, she never asked what happened. Because he would have to tell her what was wrong and she never knew how to comfort someone.

"Don't jump straight into opening up to him...just reacquaint yourselves. Call him in a few days. Ask him a few questions and then do whatever feels right after." Madge was serious and she sighed. "But, Kat, promise me you won't run when it gets tough or scary."

Katniss stayed silent.

"When you get scared, or overwhelmed, just talk to Peeta about it. Let him in, Katniss. It's okay to do that. Not everything will break, okay?"

"Thank you, Madge. For not-"

"For not being a Johanna?" Madge supplied, and Katniss could practically hear the smirk in her voice.

"Yes, for that," she said in agreement and let out an airy chuckle. "I'll talk to you later."

"It'll be okay. Get some sleep, Kat."

They hung up, but Katniss didn't move from her spot. She felt her hands shake, and no matter how tight she clenched them, the shaking didn't cease. She wondered if this is how Peeta felt when she left. She felt utterly alone despite the fact that she wasn't actually. If Peeta felt like that, she had a lot of making up to do.

But how?

When would it be okay for her to ask to see him again? When could she start showing up at his place unannounced like she always did? How long would it take for the emptiness, she begun to feel, to consume her?

What if Peeta rejected her and told her they were over if she called him? Katniss never knew that feeling...that feeling of needing someone and being shut out. And now she felt indescribably sad, because she did not want to lose Peeta.

But she also didn't know the first step in getting him back. And she realized, right then, that she needed to learn Peeta. She never paid much attention to the small details, like his favourite episode of his favourite show, or his favourite smell. She needed to, but she also wanted to.

Because she wanted Peeta Mellark, and she was determined to prove that to him. Even though she was scared shitless.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey guys!_

_Thanks for being awesome and reviewing and following this story. :)_

_Leave a review and tell me what you think of this chapter if you'd like!_

_I do not own The Hunger Games._

* * *

Katniss spent the weekend doing nothing and everything. Nothing because she felt empty inside, and everything because she tried to occupy herself until she could call Peeta. She went for a run on Saturday morning and Sunday evening. She cleaned her bathroom. She bought groceries that she honestly could do without. She would be lying if she said she didn't fall asleep wearing Peeta's shirt each night.

Katniss tried to calm her nerves as she picked up her cellphone from the kitchen counter and looked at the time. _5:17pm. _Peeta would be home from work by then. And before she could convince herself not to, she clicked his number.

Her heartbeat sped up and her legs felt like jelly as the line rang. It rang four times before it stopped and Peeta's lovely voice sounded through the speaker.

"Hello?" He asked, though Katniss knew he had caller ID.

"Hey," she said coolly into the phone despite her being the farthest thing from cool.

She heard him breathe out. "Hi."

The line went silent for a few moments and Katniss screamed at herself to say something, to say anything.

"Um...how was your day? Work?" Katniss spurted out the question like Madge suggested, even though it sounded so awkward. Peeta and Katniss never had awkward conversations. Why now? Why when she desperately needs luck on her side?

"Not too bad," he said easily, and he almost sounded normal. "Mondays are never that busy at the restaurant."

"Mondays just don't have a lot going on for anybody," Katniss said back, attempting to make a joke of some sort.

Peeta cleared his throat, not cracking a laugh. "How was your day?"

_It sucked because I missed you and your silly texts, _Katniss said in her head. But she'd never say that to Peeta.

"It was okay," she lied. "It was a Monday kinda day."

"The Breakfast Club was on last night. Did you watch it?"

"Well, of course I did. Come on, we both know it's a classic." Katniss leaned against the counter and bit her thumbnail in anticipation. Their love for old, cheesy movies was something that connected them right when they first met.

And as if she had been caught sneaking out, she froze. She couldn't mistake that sound for anything. She heard it. She held her breath to make sure she was hearing properly.

Peeta's laugh.

It was short and quiet, but Katniss didn't care. It was his laugh. And she loved hearing his warm laugh.

"I thought the classic was Ferris Bueller's Day Off?"

Katniss smiled, though he couldn't see her. "They're tied."

The line went quiet and Katniss felt her moment of happiness dissipate. As much as she would like to believe this phone call meant everything was okay, the logical and realistic part of her knew better.

They were not okay. A phone call did not right all the wrong she had done.

"Katniss," Peeta said after a minute, his voice sounding quiet and sad. "God...this is making me miss you."

Katniss bit down on her lip so hard it drew blood. The metallic taste filled her mouth and she wished it hurt more. Physical pain was more preferred than the emotional pain that made it hard to breathe and think. Physical pain was manageable...emotional was not.

"I miss you, Peeta. I really do...can we-"

"I meant what I said, though, Katniss. That's not changing. A lot of things need to happen...before I can trust you again."

He didn't trust her. _He didn't trust her. _But what was she expecting? In a twisted way she agreed with his reasoning. She wouldn't trust herself either, if she was in Peeta's position.

That didn't mean it hurt any less to hear.

"How am I supposed to fix things and earn your trust if I can't see you, Peeta? Tell me how!" Katniss said loudly into the phone. She didn't care if she was yelling, she was frustrated and upset and it had been too long without seeing Peeta. Three days was too long.

_How the hell did I go two weeks? _She asked herself bitterly.

Peeta sighed on the other end. "Katniss...Just, um, I don't know. I'm not ready to see you yet. When Friday night drinks comes around at the end of this week, I'll be there. And I hope you'll be there, too."

"I can't see you until Friday?"

"Friday. We'll see each other."

Katniss closed her eyes and told herself she could do that. She went two weeks without seeing Peeta...she could wait four more days. She could and she will. Yes, because four days was better than nothing at all.

"Alright," she agreed. "Do you have to get going?"

"Yeah, actually. I was going to go workout before you called," Peeta said.

Katniss' thoughts went straight to images of Peeta's body. His toned chest, the bumps of his abs and the distinct v-shape. And the light hairs leading down below the waist line, and Katniss felt her cheeks warm when she remembered how it felt for her hands to roam over his chest and in his hair and the way he shivered when she kissed his chest.

Oh God.

"Have a good night, Katniss."

Katniss barely croaked out a goodbye before he hung up.

* * *

The days that lead up to Friday went by slowly. Work with Johanna were tense and quiet, save when they had to discuss design plans for a client. Katniss knew it was silly to still be a little irritated with Johanna, but she couldn't stop.

It was Friday again and Katniss decided to come on time that day. She didn't have high expectations like the other week. But she was still determined. Determined to prove to Peeta that what they had was real.

"Hey, Catnip," Gale called out and she smiled at him and waved as she weaved through the busy patio tables. "On time today, I see."

Katniss gave a slight grin. "Early, I see?"

"Someone's gotta snag our table."

Katniss rolled her eyes and took in the table. Everyone was there, save for Annie and Thresh, who would probably show up any minute. Madge smiled at Katniss and gave her arm a squeeze.

Katniss smiled, and then her eyes settled on the seat next to Madge, where Peeta stood from. He wore dark jeans and a white t-shirt that fit perfectly. He stepped out behind Madge's chair and gently touched Katniss' forearm. The gentle brush of his fingertips was enough to send goosebumps rising across her skin.

"Hi," he said and slowly pulled her in for a hug.

Katniss, though she was stunned, she managed to wrap her arms around her him, her hands gripping the back of his shirt. She inhaled his scent of cologne and fabric softener and the slight smell of his shampoo, and it made her close her eyes briefly.

She always said Peeta's kisses were her favourite, but then when he hugged her, she seemed to forget that. His arms around her felt good and safe and right.

And she could smell him without looking weird.

"Hi," she whispered gently as they pulled away. He smiled, a small one, but it still made her stomach flutter.

When Peeta sat down, Katniss turned and found all eyes on them. It made her uneasy and she quickly made an excuse that she was hungry. _Flight._

She retreated into the restaurant and slid up to the bar counter. She ordered her usually drink and rested her head on her fist as she waited.

It was hard enough trying to get Peeta back, but it was even harder and more uncomfortable with all their friends watching. She and Peeta were not some reality TV show.

"Thought you were hungry?"

Katniss didn't turn, so Finnick took the opportunity to sit next to her. He ordered a rum and coke, and it was silent as they waited for their drinks.

When the bartender placed their drinks in front of them, Katniss and Finnick both took long sips.

"Is hugging a good sign?"

Katniss finally looked at Finnick, his green eyes were curious. Katniss shrugged. "If I'm being honest, I'm not sure."

"Understandable," Finnick said simply and nudged her with his shoulder. "You okay?"

Katniss took another sip of her beer before answering with an answer that wasn't even _really_ an _answer_.

"I really don't get relationships, Finn. Like...how to do them."

Finnick barked out a laugh and patted Katniss' shoulder. "Katniss, you don't _do_ relationships. There's no written guideline. You know...Love is like...breathing. You don't think, you just do."

Katniss sat there and tried to make sense of his words. Sure, Finnick always spoke cryptically and poetically, but this time Katniss actually felt like she somewhat understood him. She needed to stop thinking so much...she needed to start doing what felt right.

"That actually made sense."

Finnick grinned. "Did it really? I'm glad I've graced you with my fantastic advice. Now, lets get back outside and pretend we shared fries."

Katniss took a seat on the other side of Madge when she returned. The blonde gave her a look and leaned closer. "How are you and Peeta?"

"I...don't know. I called him on Monday and we talked briefly...and that was it." Katniss leaned on her forearms against the table, glancing around Madge to see Peeta in conversation with Finnick and Johanna. "He hugged me, Madge. And it felt so good."

Madge gave a gentle smile and patted Katniss' hand. "I know."

Katniss closed her eyes and dropped her hand in her hands. She couldn't deal with all this. The emotions - everything. She didn't know how and she just couldn't.

"She's fine," she heard Madge whisper.

Katniss felt a light smack on her arm shortly after, and she lifted her hand, tucking her hair behind her ear as she met Johanna's gaze.

"You alright there, Katniss?"

Katniss shot her a look. "Never been better." She could feel Peeta's gaze on her, but she didn't allow herself to look at him. Because if she did, she was scared that she'd do something silly and embarrassing like cry. She would not allow herself to break down in front of everyone and Peeta. Because this was her fault, and _only _her fault. She could admit that to herself.

Just in time to save her, Annie came up to the table and sat down next to Johanna with a huff. "Did I ever mention that I dislike my boss? Like a lot?"

Annie Cresta, who Katniss met in university, could always bring the smallest of smiles to Katniss. She was so sweet and considerate, yet funny and sometimes a little ditzy. Katniss loved the girl.

And she listened as Annie droned on about her boss and how he kept her at the office for an extra hour, reprinting old files.

* * *

"No, Thresh, dude, this girl is smoking hot. She'd so go for you, man." Gale had been trying to convince Thresh, who came in an hour after Annie, to call some girl from his work for five minutes. "I promise she's single, you've got no crazy boyfriend to worry about."

Thresh groaned and shook his head. "Shut up. I don't need you playing matchmaker, okay?"

Katniss got bored of their bickering and she blocked their conversation out as she looked at her watch, realizing it was midnight. And she had breakfast plans with her sister in the morning.

"I gotta get going," she announced and stood up from the table. Everyone booed and she rolled her eyes with a chuckle. "Enjoy your night, guys."

"Not without yooooou!" Annie cried and her drink sloshed over the rim. _Lightweight Annie._

Katniss laughed and waved her off. Annie pouted but her attention quickly averted back to Finnick, just like Katniss expected. What she wasn't expecting, however, when she turned around, was Peeta. He was standing behind his seat and offered her a half smile.

"Would you, um, like me to walk you to your car, Katniss?"

Katniss bit her lip and nodded. Johanna caught her eye and raised a brow, but Katniss ignored her and waved goodbye. Katniss wasn't _mad _at Johanna, but she was still a little annoyed by what she said to her the week before. Katniss Everdeen could hold a good grudge.

"Nice night," Peeta said as they walked out onto the sidewalk, like they had the week before. Slowly, they walked in the direction of her car.

"Yeah, it is." Katniss looked down at her feet. "I thought...I thought I was supposed to put the effort in. Why are you-"

"Katniss," Peeta interrupted. "I need you to prove that you wanna be with me, but that doesn't mean I can't still show you that I care." His voice had some amusement and it warmed her from the inside out.

"I care, Peeta. I do."

"Okay," is all he said as they stopped at her car. "Are you alright to drive home?"

Katniss reached into his bag for her keys and nodded when she met his eyes. "I didn't even finish my one beer, so I'm good. Thanks...for asking."

He shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged before offering a shy smile that was just so Peeta that it made her stomach flip. "Have a good night, Katniss."

Katniss, without really thinking about it, stretched up and placed her lips on his cheek in a quick kiss. She watched his eyes flutter closed as she moved away, and he breathed out before opening them again.

"Goodnight," she said softly before unlocking her door and climbing in. Peeta waited on the sidewalk, and he gave a small wave as she pulled away from the curb.

Her heart ached the more she thought about him on her drive home.

* * *

Katniss was under the comforter on her bed, listening to a song that reminded her of Peeta. She guessed she was feeling a bit nostalgic that night. Out of habit, she was already reaching for her phone to text him about it. Her actions faltered as she pulled up their message conversation, and she wondered if she should text him.

_Fuck it._

With shaky fingers, she began typing and quickly hit send before she could talk herself out of it.

_Guess what song I happen to be listening to._

She waited impatiently, tapping her fingers against her phone until it buzzed. _Sir Mellark_ flashed on the screen with one message. Katniss curled up under the comforter and opened the message.

_I don't know - your fave song, Blurred Lines? Hah._

Katniss felt a smile tug at her lips. He remembered how much she hated that song.

She quickly typed a reply: _Yeah, very funny. Actually, I'm listening to Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money."_

Katniss wondered if Peeta was in his bed, like her. She wondered if he was lying there, holding his phone as he awaited her text. A part of her was also curious if he felt the loneliness that she did. Did his left side of the bed feel cold, like the right side of her bed?

Deep down she hoped he felt a twinge of loneliness.

But then she remembered that he must've felt like that many times before - lonely. Suddenly, she wished he didn't feel the loneliness.

Her phone vibrated with another text and she quickly opened it, happy to snap away from her thoughts. _That was the song playing in the bar when we got drinks together for the first time._

Katniss knew that. That night was such a good one, of course she remembered that song._  
_  
_I know, _she replied simply.

_You remember? _He texted back quickly, as if he had been waiting eagerly for her text.

_Of course. I also remember you lip synching to it._

~_Flashback~_

_"You and Johanna...you work together?" Peeta asked incredulously._

_Katniss couldn't help but let a laugh escape her. She knew what Peeta was thinking; how could she and Johanna work together without getting on each other's nerves? He had seen them snap at each other plenty of times in the last two months since Peeta came around._

_Two months. It took two months before Katniss and Peeta decided to go out together. They had been beating around the bush ever since they met and finally, they both sort of mutually asked each other to go out for a drink._

_"I'm surprised you're just finding that out now," Katniss said back and played with the drink coaster. "I know what you're thinking, though."_

_"That I won't be surprised if one of your body's is found in a ditch?"_

_Katniss smirked from behind the rim of her drink and looked at Peeta with a raised, playful eyebrow. "We both know it won't be mine either."_

_Peeta's lip curled up into a cute grin. Well, Katniss thought it was cute. "Don't tell me this is the part where you confess that you're actually a serial killer. Can't go down that road again."_

_"Again?" Katniss asked. "What kind of girls have you been dating?"_

_"Well, I wouldn't call it dating, you know. Their idea of a first date was tying me up-"_

_"Oooh, kinky."_

_Peeta let out a loud, warm laugh and his eyes crinkled at the corners and his cheeks had a dimple each. Katniss found it cute when he laughed like that. "You'd think. But then I'd tell them they weren't really my type and things would get difficult from there. I wasn't it the whole serial killer thing, you know? Kind of a turn off."_

_"Well," Katniss drew out after she stopped chuckling. "What is your type?"_

_"How about I let you know at the end of the night?"_

_Katniss only smiled coyly and looked down just as an older song from the 80s started playing through the speakers. Peeta clapped his hands together and she lifted her head to look at him._

_"_Take me home tonight_," he lipped along with the song, using his beer bottle as a microphone. "_I don't want to let you go till you see the light._"_

_"Serenading me already? I'm ready for date number two."_

_Peeta bobbed his head enthusiastically and smirked. "I knew my lip synching would pull you in. I guess I can tell you my type now," Peeta said. He leaned closer and boldly placed his lips near her ear, sending shivers through her. "My type is...you. Definitely you."_

_~End Flashback~_

_Don't ever bring that up, _Peeta texted her back. Another text came shortly after: _I can't believe I embarrassed myself like that._

_It wasn't embarrassing, I enjoyed it._

_You think you're funny, punk? Anyways, before you answer that, I think I'm going to get some sleep. Sweet dreams. x_

Katniss didn't type out a reply to his text. All she could do was stare at it, rereading it over and over. Sweet Peeta, he still managed to make her tummy have flutters with the cute words he said, that she clearly did not deserve.

She didn't deserve Peeta, but she was going to make up for it. She had to.

That night she laid awake, staring at the empty side of the bed, wondering if Peeta would be sleeping there soon. Or ever.

* * *

"So, what's up? You seem weird."

"Thanks," Katniss mumbled and sipped on her tea. "I'm fine."

"If only that was believable. Come on, I'm your sister."

Katniss met the blue eyes of her younger sister. Her blue was light, almost an icy blue, much lighter than Peeta's. Why did Katniss always find herself thinking about Peeta?

"Remember that guy Peeta?" She said, only falling more into her thoughts of him.

"You mean the guy you were dating, but you kept it a secret from me?" Prim said simply, cutting her french toast with her fork. Her eyes met Katniss' and she gave a small smirk. "I ran into Gale at the store a month ago. He mentioned that you and Peeta were a thing. So, why didn't you tell me?"

Katniss bit her cheek, feeling guilty. Why didn't she tell Prim? Well, to be fair, no one in her family knew. Funny enough, that only reinforces Peeta's statement about her not seeming to want a relationship with him. She met his family, well his father and one of his brothers, she had yet to meet his mother and other brother. But his family knew of her, unlike like Katniss'.

"I didn't tell Mom or Dad either." Katniss sighed, "Why didn't you tell me that you knew?"

"You still didn't answer me, Katniss. I'm not that mad...I just want to know why."

Katniss sighed and swirled her piece of pancake in whipped cream and syrup as she began to explain what happened between her and Peeta. By the end of her story, Prim was practically pulling her pretty blonde hair off her head.

"Katniss!"

"I know!" Katniss said back in a high-pitched tone, feeling desperately defensive. "I'm trying to fix it. We saw each other at the restaurant last night...and he hugged me and walked me to my car."

"You like him. A lot," Prim stated.

Katniss tucked her hair behind her ear and bit back a smile. "I...I do."

"Are you going to wait until next Friday to see him again?"

Katniss hadn't thought of that yet, but her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach, thinking about waiting practically another week before seeing Peeta again. But was that the right thing to do? To give him just a bit more time before asking him to do something, just the two of them?

"I don't..." Katniss trailed off when she remembered what Finnick told her. _Love is like breathing. You don't think, you just do._ Why was Katniss trying to plan out everything? She should just let things happen - if calling up and inviting Peeta to do something in the next hour felt right, then she'd do it.

"You don't...?"

"I'm going to play it by year," Katniss said simply. "Wherever, whenever it feels right."

"I think that's a good idea. Do you think I'll be able to meet him if things get better?" Prim asked and stole a strawberry off Katniss' plate. "I mean, like, I need to meet the guy. Gale said he had the most _dazzling_ blue eyes."

Katniss smiled slightly. "You'll be the first one, Prim."

Prim looked up and laughed while shaking her head. "Still can't believe you didn't tell me. We are the same blood, the same breed! We share DNA," Prim said dramatically with a mocking smirk. "DNA!"

"Oh, shut it! Don't make me regret taking you out for breakfast."

"_Hey_, we never see each other anymore!"

Katniss grinned, though she felt a pang in her chest at the honesty behind her sister's words. Prim was busy with her university courses and her part-time job, and Katniss was busy with work. It was hard, especially since they didn't live under the same roof like when they were growing up.

She missed her sister.

"I've missed you, Duck."

"I've missed you, too," Prim said, and then made a face. "The nickname, not so much."

Katniss flicked her sister's hand. "Come on, I've been calling you that since you were, like, three!"

"Eighteen years later and you still have trouble letting go..." Prim gulped down her coffee, hiding her smirk. "I can see the newspaper headlines: _Crazy Sister Mistakes Duck For Sister!"_

"_Wow_, Prim, have you gotten funnier since the last time I saw you?" Katniss asked, feigning curiosity.

"No. I've always been this hilarious, Katniss. God, what took you so long to notice?" Prim looked down at her watch and groaned. "_Ugh. _I have work soon..."

Katniss smiled sadly. "I'll let you get going. This was...this was good, Primmy. We'll talk soon?"

Prim stood with Katniss and they both threw down some money before grabbing their things and leaving the small breakfast diner. Katniss stopped in front of Prim's car, and her younger sister eagerly pulled her in for a tight hug.

"I'll text you later, okay? Maybe we'll do something again- you can have me over for dinner!" Prim pulled away and kissed Katniss' cheek. "It was good seeing you, Kat."

"We'll plan something. Love you," Katniss said as Prim unlocked her car door.

"Love you, sista."

"He wants something youthful yet elegant," Johanna read the paper in her hand. "God, this is messed up- I'm pretty sure this guy wants us to design a sex room."

Katniss sketched the outline of the client's room on the blank paper on her desk, not sparing a glance at Johanna. "Our job is to design the rooms of houses. Get over it."

"Jesus, what crawled up your ass and died?" Johanna's hand reached down and plucked the pencil from Katniss' grasp. Katniss sat up and scowled. She was not in the mood for Johanna. "Are you still upset about what I said last week? Get the fuck over it, Brainless."

"I'm upset about a lot of things," Katniss said, grabbing her bag and standing up from the chair. "You just happen to be one of them."

Katniss defiantly walked out of the office, despite Johanna's yelling. She sat in her car for a while and pretended like she didn't know Johanna was glaring at her from the window of her office. She could glare all she wanted, Katniss didn't care anymore. Johanna was her friend, yes, but she was also a real bitch.

Putting her car into drive, Katniss peeled out of the parking lot to clear her mind. She needed to just get away for a few minutes, maybe treat herself to a donut, or ice cream. Or both.

* * *

"Can I get the Cherry Brownie with the cherries on the side? To go."

The host gave her a funny look at her preference, but Katniss only shrugged. She took a seat on the waiting bench, and she wondered what made her come here. She hadn't really thought about it on her drive, but somehow she ended up parked in front of the restaurant where Peeta worked.

"Excuse, Miss?" Katniss looked up to find the host looking at her expectantly. "I was told to ask if your name is Katniss."

Katniss smiled slightly. "Yeah, it is."

The host nodded and retreated back to the kitchen, she assumed to tell Peeta. It was an odd preference - cherries on the side - and Peeta must've remembered it.

Katniss stared down at her fingers, counted the tiles on the floor, and idly checked her messages on phone - 2 from Johanna and 1 from Prim. Johanna's were short and to the point, the closest to an apology Katniss will ever get. Prim's text was asking if she'd like to have dinner on Friday or Saturday night, which were her only free nights.

She typed out a quick reply, saying she'd call Prim in a while to discuss it.

"I figured this order had to be you."

Katniss dropped her phone in her bag and lifted her head to meet the owner of the voice she knew all too well. Her lips twitched up in a tiny, hesitant smile. Peeta was standing there, in his black chef's coat and hat, and he looked adorable.

"I'm sure I'm the only person who orders the cherry brownie with the cherries on the side."

Peeta smirked. "Yeah. It's basically just a plain brownie with a side of cherries now." He sat next to Katniss, handing her the white take-out container. "I wasn't expecting you."

"I didn't exactly plan on coming here," she said back. "I just...I drove and ended up here. Your desserts make me feel a bit better."

Peeta met her eyes and raised an eyebrow. "Is something wrong?"

Katniss breathed in and told herself to just tell him. If she was going to prove that she wanted to be with him, she needed to let him in. Even on the small things.

"Johanna, she just stresses me out. She has been giving me shit...about _us._" Katniss looked at the floor. "I know I messed up, but I don't need to hear about it from anyone else, especially her."

"Good," Peeta said after a minute, and she slowly looked at him, curiously. He stared back at her intently. "This is between us. Only what we think matters, and I don't want Johanna or anyone else to try and pretend like they know what's happening."

"Yeah," she said quietly. "I should let you get back to work now, huh?"

"I probably should get back to kitchen," he said, almost ruefully. "Will I see you Friday?"

Katniss stood up with him. "Maybe...I might not make it. Prim wants to do something, a dinner thing."

"Oh," Peeta said and looked down. "Well, if I don't see you Friday...have a good weekend."

Katniss didn't know why she felt so disappointed when Peeta stepped away without hugging her, only giving her a handsome smile. He wasn't obligated to show her affection.

"Peeta, wait!" She called out before he disappeared around the corner. He turned around so quickly, Katniss would've thought he was waiting for her to call after him. "I, um, forgot to...pay. Pay for the brownie."

"It's on me," he said simply and waved before continuing around the corner, leaving her there with an indescribable feeling sinking to the pit of her stomach.

How long could she go with that sinking feeling?

The longer she felt it, the more she didn't like it.


	3. Chapter 3

"How does this sound," Katniss said, clicking around on the recipe website. She and Prim rarely, if not ever, have done this before. They've never sat down and had dinner together like that. So, Katniss wanted it to be nice. Plus it sort of took her mind off Peeta. "Oven-baked chicken with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese?"

Prim, on the other end of the line, slammed her textbook shut. "_Ooh_, that sounds good! Wow, I can't believe you're actually cooking dinner for us."

"Don't get used to it," Katniss said with a smirk tugging at her lips.

"Katniss, the only thing you could cook when we were younger was, like...Kraft Dinner and frozen pizza."

"The best Kraft Dinner and frozen pizza, might I say."

Katniss heard Prim's soft laughter from the other end. "Definitely. So, listen, I need to go shower and finish up this paper. I'll be there in a few hours. Try not to burn anything in the mean time?"

"See you in a bit, Prim," Katniss countered playfully before hanging up and setting out to cook.

* * *

Cooking the meal wasn't the hard part. The hard part was when Katniss found herself remembering Peeta's cooking tips and how he always reminded her to put salt in the water when boiling it. She remembered waking up one morning to Peeta cooking breakfast, without a shirt, and something in her changed.

A shirtless Peeta changed everything.

It was then when she realized that she couldn't possibly be more attracted to anyone. And that was a curse and a blessing.

~_Flashback~ _

_Katniss woke to an empty bed, though there was the lingering scent of cologne on the sheets and pillow next to her. Memories from the night before, with Peeta's arms wrapped around her, made her smile involuntarily. They didn't do anything, except sleep. And Katniss was perfectly okay with that._

_She stretched and washed her face with cold water in the bathroom before entering the kitchen, where her breath caught in her throat. She'd seen Peeta shirtless before, but something about him standing in front of a frying pan with no shirt made Katniss bite her lip._

"_Morning," she croaked and he jumped slightly before turning around with a grin enveloping his perfect face as he did._

"_Hey," he said and set down the spatula, making his way over to her. "I hope you don't mind...I thought I'd make us breakfast."_

_His arms wrapped around her waist and she smirked up at him. "You making me food? Of course I don't mind. How about we make a deal? I let you sleep in my bed, and you have to make breakfast."_

"_That's an awful proposal. If you're trying to marry me, then you gotta sweeten the deal, Katniss," Peeta teased._

_Though Katniss felt something in her change at the mention of marriage, even if joking, she chuckled and pushed it aside. "Sweeten the deal? Well, I mean, I could go for a massage every night, too."_

"_I'm seeing this as a very beneficial proposal for you..."_

"_Are you complaining about me offering you my bed _and _allowing your hands to do what they please?"_

_Peeta's blue eyes took on a glint of mischief and he smirked. "Okay, deal."_

_~End Flashback~_

Katniss was just putting the chicken into the oven when she heard Prim enter through the door that she left unlocked, knowing her sister would walk right in. Katniss set the timer on the oven and waited a few more seconds before Prim came bouncing into the kitchen with a huge smile.

"_Kaaaatniisssss!"_

Katniss rolled her eyes and hid a smile. "Settle down."

"My paper is done, it's the weekend, I'm with my big sister – life is great!" Prim sat at the table with a wide smile, a smile so wide that Katniss was starting to feel frightened. Prim was bubbly, but not _that_ bubbly.

"Prim...are you feeling okay?"

"Of course," Prim said, twisting her blonde hair around her finger. "I really just missed this a lot, Kat. You know, me and you hanging out."

Katniss smiled slightly as she opened the fridge, pulling out two Vodka coolers, the ones that Prim liked. Prim eagerly accepted a bottle and popped the cap off.

"I missed this, too, Prim." Katniss took a seat across from Prim at the table. "So, what've you been up to?"

Prim took a long sip of her drink before she pursed her lips and Katniss caught hesitancy cross her features. "Well...last night...I went to see Dad. He called and invited me for dinner. He said he tried calling you, too, Katniss."

"He did," Katniss replied evenly, averting her attention to the label of the bottle. She used her nail to pick at it. "How was dinner?"

"Would've been better with you there."

"_Prim._"

"Okay, okay!" Prim surrendered with slightly raised hands. "Sorry."

Katniss eyed her sister for a moment before she sighed and took a sip of her own drink. Prim was always so good, so forgiving. But Katniss couldn't blame her, Prim was too young to remember, let alone _understand, _what happened. Katniss was young, too, but she remembered it. And when she grew older, she understood it more than Prim. All the yelling, the shut doors, everything.

"Don't apologize," Katniss finally said, softly. "You don't have to be sorry about anything."

"No– I do. I'm sorry that...I can't imagine how it is for you." Prim, wiser than her years, leaned against the edge of the table with a look of sympathy in her blue eyes. "I know the story now, I get it. But I just...I was too young to really remember what it was like before everything happened. So...in a messed up way, it was normal to me."

Katniss nodded and offered a small smile. "I know, Prim."

"So, have you talked to Peeta recently?" Katniss was grateful for the change in subject, but not exactly grateful for the new topic. Though, Peeta was easier to talk about than her parents.

"No," Katniss answered, the sinking feeling in her chest started up again. She hadn't talked to Peeta since she visited him at work days ago. She missed him a lot, too. "I'm trying to- oh, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Prim."

Prim reached across the table and tapped Katniss' cheek lightly, almost tauntingly. "_Well..._how about inviting him over for dinner? I mean, you _do _want him to meet me, right?" Katniss watched as a smirk danced across Prim's lips. "Honestly, I think I'd be a great idea."

"But isn't this _our_ dinner?" Katniss asked, though she felt herself wanting invite Peeta. She wanted to see him. To let him meet Prim. To just have him near.

"It'll be _our _dinner plus Peeta."

"Um...I'll send him a text." Katniss didn't trust her voice to call him. Slowly, she pulled out her phone and bit her lip as her fingers hovered over the keys. She typed out something quick and hit send before she could chicken out.

Katniss set her phone down and Prim eyed it. "And now we wait."

It buzzed a minute later with a text message from Peeta; _Dinner with you and your sister? Are you sure about this, Katniss?_

Why did he have to do that? Why did he asked her if she was sure? Obviously she was if she was inviting him. God, sometimes she hated how he did things like that.

_I'm sure. I want you to meet her, _Katniss sent back, keeping calm and remembering that it's not Peeta's fault that he's so cautious with her. It's _her _fault.

"Is he coming?" Prim asked, and before Katniss could answer, another text made her phone buzz.

_Okay, I'll be there in a bit._

Katniss held her phone up to Prim in response, and the blonde haired girl squealed with joy. "This is so great, Kat! Wait – can I borrow your makeup? I need to look presentable!"

"Don't you have a boyfriend, Prim?" Katniss asked with a smirk.

"Shut up! I do, but I'm not meeting _yours _with no makeup on!"

Prim hurried out of the kitchen and Katniss remained seated with a small grin. Her sister was beautiful with or without makeup, she didn't need to doll herself up for anyone. _Especially, _Peeta. But Katniss let her anyways, because that was what Prim wanted.

And Katniss also needed a minute to calm herself after Prim referred to Peeta as her boyfriend.

* * *

Katniss took a deep breath and tried to calm her hammering heart for the billionth time. On the other side of the door was Peeta, and he hadn't been to her place in over a month. Was it clean enough? Did she remember to clean the bathroom? Did she pick her underwear off the floor of her bedroom? Why would he be in her bedroom?

_Relax, _she told herself and pulled the door open.

Peeta stood there, in a dark blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and he gave a bashful smile, holding out a covered plate. "Sorry for coming a bit late. I quickly made dessert."

"You didn't have to," Katniss said, grabbing the plate and stepping aside to let him in. He neatly kicked off his shoes and closed the door with ease. Because at one point, this was where he spent a lot of his time.

"I wanted to." He stopped and looked thoughtful. "It...it smells really good - whatever you're making."

"Katniss! You didn't tell me you had crazy straws." Katniss and Peeta both turned to the hallway, where Prim came walking in. She was looking down at her swirly straw and she sipped her Vodka cooler. "Look! It's-"

Prim stopped abruptly and stared at Peeta. Katniss hid her smile at the half-smirk on his face.

"If we're being honest...I didn't know Katniss had crazy straws either," he said and flashed his handsome smile at the younger girl. "I'm Peeta."

Prim bounced over, her face breaking into a wide grin. "Peeta! Hi, I'm Prim. Sorry, I'm just really excited that you came. It's about time we finally met."

Peeta smiled again, a smile that made Katniss feel weak in the knees. He shook Prim's small hand gently. "Great to meet you, Prim. I'm glad we're finally meeting, too."

"I'm going to go set the table – dinner's pretty much ready," Katniss said abruptly and quickly turned on her heel. She didn't really know why she felt the need to bolt, but it only emphasized her reliance on flight. And she was trying to cut down on that.

"I'll help you," Peeta called, and she heard him jog after her. Katniss made a beeline for the cupboards, but she reminded herself not to retreat back to her old ways. She needed to prove to Peeta that she was trying...and she _was_ trying hard.

Katniss turned around with three plates in her hands, and Peeta was already staring at her. "I'm glad you came."

He reached out and took the plates from her, giving her a tiny boyish grin. "You look pretty."

"You don't look half bad," Katniss countered coolly, though her cheeks were warm and she knew she was blushing. "That shirt...it brings out the blue in your eyes."

Peeta chuckled lightly just as Prim came into the kitchen, sending Katniss a smirk behind Peeta's back. The two of them finished setting the table while Katniss brought the food over, placing it in the middle of the table.

"Peeta, do you say grace? Me and Kat aren't very church-y, so we don't. But if you do, then that's _totally_ cool." Prim smiled at Peeta, and Katniss had to refrain from snorting out loud.

Peeta laughed heartily. "I'm not very _church-y._"

"Don't mock me!" Prim shot back and swatted his arm from across the table. Katniss watched them laugh and playfully tease each other, and she couldn't help but think that they could definitely be mistaken for siblings.

Small conversation continued as dinner was served, but Katniss tried to keep out of it. She wanted to sit back and take in Prim and Peeta together. It seemed so easy to have them meet...why had she waited all this time?

_Because letting Peeta meet Prim means he is that much more apart of my life, _Katniss reminded herself.

"Hey – I'll have you know I'm a chef," Peeta said to Prim in response to something Katniss missed. "And this dinner tastes better than some of the stuff I've made."

Katniss snorted. "Sure, Peeta."

He met her eyes with raised eyebrows and finished chewing a bite. "Honestly. It's really good."

"I don't know," Prim interjected, smirking at Katniss. "Maybe you should've stuck with your frozen pizza."

"Yeah, and maybe you should've stayed home," Katniss countered and grinned victoriously as Prim shot a glare.

"Watch yourself, Kat," Prim warned and shoved a forkful of food into her mouth.

Peeta laughed beside Katniss and both girls turned to him. He waved them off and smiled. "I've never been around two sisters like this before. You guys are...fun."

"Don't speak too soon, Peeta. You should see us when we don't get along," Prim said back, and Katniss felt her lips twitch up. "Especially when we were teenagers and I used to borrow Katniss' clothes."

"You'd never ask!" Katniss shot back, motioning to Prim with exasperation. "How many times did you borrow that one top-"

"We're sisters! We share blood, DNA – why not clothes, too?" Prim turned to Peeta and laughed. "See? You spoke too soon."

"Hey, at least now I know to ask Katniss before I borrow one of her dresses." Peeta looked over at Katniss, and she couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled out of her. And she felt indescribably happy. Happy because it felt normal – being with Peeta and laughing felt normal. "I've been eyeing that light yellow dress-"

Katniss laughed again and reached out, gently pushing his shoulder. "Dry clean it before you return it – that's my one condition."

"Deal," Peeta said with a grin, and it reminded Katniss of the other deals they'd made. She longed for those deals. She longed for _him._

She met his gaze, and his eyes were questioning. Katniss looked away with a question forming.

How could Peeta pick up on her subtle changes in mood when she could barely do the same for him?

* * *

"Katniss," Prim hissed her name excitedly as she came bouncing into the kitchen.

"He is so attractive! And he's so sweet, Kat. I like him...I think he's a great guy, honestly. Seems like he has his shit together."

"He is a great guy," she agreed, biting her lip and twisting the kitchen towel in her hands.

Prim raised an eyebrow and gave a knowing look. "Hey, Gale was right about his eyes, though. They _are_ dazzling."

Katniss only rolled her eyes and laughed before shoving Prim lightly. Her sister laughed and waved her off as she went to leave the room. "We're watching an old movie on TV. You should stop cleaning and come join."

"In a minute," Katniss said back, wiping down the counter and looking over her shoulder once more before slumping against the counter with her head in her hands.

Katniss took the opportunity to go over the last hour. Peeta and Prim hit it off, and it only made her long for Peeta much more. He was so good with everyone he met, especially Prim. The thought of them laughing together brought a warmth to her body that spread throughout her veins.

But a feeling of desperation set in as she thought more about it. Peeta was so close, close enough to just reach out and kiss and touch, but she couldn't. And she didn't know when she _could_ do that. All she wanted was how things were before she messed up. All she wanted was Peeta! It was driving her crazy, having the compulsive, constant thought of wanting him with her. She hated all the stupid sinking feelings in her stomach, the tightenings in her chest, the aches in her heart...

And that stupid pricking sensation at the back of her eyes with the promise of tears. Which was happening right then.

"That was an excellent dinner. Don't take it the wrong way, but I didn't know you could cook that well."

Katniss spun around and pressed her palms to her eyes to clear the tears. She spotted Peeta in the doorway of the kitchen, and she took a deep breath to compose herself.

"Yeah, well, there was never a need to cook for you, considering you're a chef."

Peeta hesitated before he answered, and she prayed he wouldn't say anything or ask about what he might've seen.

"Um, I...I wish you would've cooked for me more often. I enjoyed it, really." Peeta uncrossed his arms and moved into the kitchen, coming to lean against the counter near her.

Katniss breathed in his scent and she fought the urge to bury her face in his shirt. "I, ah...it's never too late."

"Okay," he said quietly and brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. His hand froze as it brushed against her cheek and he stepped away hastily, avoiding eye contact.

"Peeta?" She said.

"Katniss, you're pulling me back in. I just...I don't want to get hurt again. And I'm trying to do this slowly..."

"I don't want to hurt you, Peeta. I'm trying not to." Katniss met his gaze and she saw the conflict in his blue eyes. "Prim...she's so important to me. And I had you meet her for a reason-"

"I don't want you to feel like...you _have _to do this. I want you to do it because you think it's right. Because you want me for real."

Katniss, despite the pain and fear of losing Peeta, felt herself becoming frustrated. She wanted Peeta for real, she always did. Why couldn't he see that she was trying? Didn't he realize that this was hard for her, too?

"I _do!_ God, Peeta, I want you...with me! I want there to be an us, why can't you see that?" She breathed in deeply and clenched her jaw a few times.

"Because you always run! Things go good...then you run, Katniss. That's why I can't-"

Peeta cut himself off sharply and Katniss felt a stinging sensation in her eyes. His own eyes were glazed over, and Katniss silently begged that he wasn't about to break her heart. This is what she meant to avoid by running. She didn't want to be torn apart.

"That's why you can't be with me," she finished. She broke her own heart. She caused all of this, so she had to be the one to break her heart. Because she deserved that. "Because I'm distrustful. Because I run and that's all I'll ever do...and I want to change, Peeta, I do. And I'm trying, but you don't deserve to wait around while I try to do that."

Peeta watched her from across the counter, his cheeks pink and eyes red and watery. He shook his head slowly. "Katniss-"

"I'll stop calling, texting...I'll stop coming on Fridays. I'll stop. It'll be easier that way, right?" Katniss closed her eyes briefly to prevent tears from clouding her vision. "I didn't want us to fall apart, Peeta. Not like everyone else...not like my parents. Not like those divorced couples, who only speak through emails about their kid's monthly cheque. I guess that failed, huh?"

"...your parents?" Peeta asked quietly after a moment. "I don't know what that means...but-"

Katniss met his eyes with a sad, humourless grin. "Everyone falls apart. Even those who you thought never would."

Peeta watched her for a moment or two before running a tired hand through his blond hair. His shoulders slumped and he gave her a look of sadness. "I want us to be fixed. I want us, Katniss. I just can't go through the same thing again! I'm _scared_, too, okay?"

Katniss stayed quiet. What else could she say? She wasn't able to speak with fluency like Peeta. She didn't know what to do either. Was she selfish for wanting to keep Peeta, even after all she had done? _Yes, _she screamed at herself. _A thousand times yes._

"I'm sorry," Katniss whispered. "We're up and then down...and I'm sorry."

Peeta's eyes were guarded despite the tears in them, and he breathed in deeply. The Peeta in front of her was such a contrast to the Peeta she knew. She knew the Peeta that was almost always smiling, forgiving and laughing. She wasn't used to the Peeta who was so guarded and restrained.

"Katniss, I'm going to go, okay? Not because we're over – please don't think that. I'm going because we both need time to think about things." He stood straighter and Katniss looked away, because if she stared much longer, she'd cry fully. And crying certainly wouldn't help her. "Will you walk me out?"

"Yeah, sure," Katniss said neutrally and followed him out of the kitchen. Prim sat on the couch, scrolling through her phone. "Peeta has to get going, Prim."

Prim looked up, a frown etching across her delicate features as she watched Peeta slip his shoes on. She stood from the couch and made her way over to the door, shooting Katniss a look as she did. Katniss only shrugged in return.

"Hey, it was great meeting you, Peeta. I'm sure we'll see each other again."

Katniss watched Peeta hesitate, but he pulled through and gave a fairly convincing smile. "Yeah, I'll be looking forward to it. I'll see you, Prim."

Prim smiled and waved as Katniss opened the door, following Peeta out. She went as far as the staircase before stopping and wrapping her arms around herself. Peeta watched with weary eyes, and she figured he must be losing sleep over this, too.

_At least I'm not alone._

"Katniss-"

"Please don't try to make me feel better, Peeta. It won't work...and I don't want to hear it, to be honest. I don't want you to tell me that it'll be okay or whatever, because I don't deserve it."

"Don't say that," Peeta said quietly.

"It's true," Katniss said back, looking down at her feet. "You were the one who said I caused this, and I agree."

Peeta sighed and she looked up. "I was...I was angry, Katniss. And upset."

"Does that make it any less true?"

Peeta remained silent and Katniss took it as answer. They both knew she was right.

"Drive home safe, okay?" She said in a shaky voice and took a few steps back.

"...no hug?" Peeta asked that time.

Katniss met his gaze and shook her head, feeling that awful pricking sensation. "I'm afraid that if I do, I won't be able to let go."

* * *

Hours later after Prim had left, Katniss found her mindlessly watching TV once again, curled up in a blanket. She wished it was Peeta's arms that were keeping her warm and cozy instead of a piece of fabric. But, no, they had to take some time to "think." Think about what? Think about how sad they both were?

What did Peeta want her to do?

Her cellphone buzzed with an incoming call, and she immediately accepted the call in hopes that it was Peeta, ready to tell her that he didn't need to think about anything.

"Hello?" She said calmly, reminding herself to breathe properly.

"Hi, darling. I'm surprised you answered my call this time." The voice was deep and slightly gravelly with a hint of teasing in his tone. Katniss' heart sunk for two reasons; it wasn't Peeta – but it was her father.

"Dad," she said simply, swallowing the newly formed lump in her throat. "It's late."

"You can talk to your old man for a few minutes, can't you?" He asked on the other end.

"About what?"

Her father sighed, and Katniss knew he was pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'd like to see my daughter more than once in a blue moon. And maybe talk to her more than once a month."

"Which daughter are you referring to, Dad?"

"Katniss," he pleaded, his voice sounding worn down and desperate. "It was long ago-"

Katniss gritted her teeth and balled the blanket up in her free hand. "That doesn't make anything right!"

"Katniss, please just try to understand – I couldn't do anything about it."

"You could've done a lot of things, Dad. Fucking around-" Katniss cut herself off and took a deep breath. She would not freak out.

She heard her father sigh with frustration. "How many times...how many years will it take for you to forgive me? What your mother...what your mother and I went through was hard. I never dealt with something like that..."

"I'm not sitting here and listening to your excuses, okay?"

"Please...just...can we move on, darling? You know, my birthday is in two weeks. It would be nice if you came with Prim."

Katniss breathed in deeply, trying her best to calm herself. She would not lose it. No, not until she hung up and was able to break down all by herself. Because she did not want her father to be the one to comfort her. He didn't deserve to, anyway.

"I have to go. Bye," she said and hung up as quick as she could.

Her hands trembled and Katniss tried to steady herself with deep breaths. Her eyes only stung more and she became more upset and angry. Her parents were prime examples as to why she was scared. Things always fell apart and she didn't want her and Peeta to be the same. And she didn't want to drag Peeta into her messed up life. Her parents' decisions had been affecting her for so many years that Katniss began to find it normal.

And that was what really scared her. She did not want to live like that.

Without a second thought, she dialled Peeta's number and held her breath until his soothing voice came through. She'll admit, she was surprised he answered her call to begin with. But Peeta was always good like that, he was so unconditionally good all of the time, even when people – like her – didn't deserve it.

"Katniss?" He asked with mild concern when he picked up. "It's really late...Is everything alright?"

Nothing was alright. That's why she needed him then more than ever.

"Can you come over?"

* * *

Katniss opened the door, and the hallway lights bathed her dim apartment with a yellow glow. But then she saw him standing there, in a t-shirt and pair of sweats with his blond locks slightly unkempt, and she realized that no one was as good as him.

Her words got stuck in her throat and, thankfully, he reached out and cupped her cheek with his hand.

"Don't worry," he said gently, soothingly. "I'm here."

She'd spend the rest of her life trying to right all the wrong that she had done. And hopefully, one day, she'll allow herself to care for Peeta the way he unconditionally cared for her.

* * *

**a/n: Filler chapter for events that will happen next chapter! Sorry if this chapter wasn't all that exciting – I promise next chapter gets good.**

**Thanks for the patience!**

**Send in a review, or message me on here or tumblr to tell me your thoughts! I'd really appreciate feedback/comments.**


	4. Chapter 4

Katniss leaned into his touch almost immediately. His soft hand sent a warmth throughout her body and she soaked it in. She missed his comforting touch.

"Thank you for coming," Katniss said quietly and met Peeta's concerned gaze. She attempted to smile, but her mind filled with her father, and with Peeta's touch clouding her thoughts, she felt it fail. "Uh, come in."

Peeta removed his hand from her cheek and made his way in, pausing to kick off his sneakers before continuing to the couch. Katniss watched as he turned on the lamp and folded her discarded blanket. He looked so right...so right in her apartment. He looked over at her expectantly, and she went over to him, taking a seat on the couch.

"Will you talk about it?" Peeta asked lightly, sitting down next to her.

Katniss cautiously met his gaze, she was preparing herself to be sucked in by the blue orbs. And she was. His eyes always pulled her and stripped her of all her walls. But sometimes that was bad, too. She didn't want to drag Peeta into her messed up life, she didn't want to lay all her problems down on him.

"I want to. I just don't want you to get involved in all my shit, Peeta." Katniss nervously twirled her hair around her finger. "And I've never...I never told you about any of this and you'll hate me for not telling you after all this time."

"Katniss, I don't care about that right now. I care about _you._ I want to make sure that _you _are okay, and I want to know what's got you so upset. So, for a little while, let's just forget about where we stand, and tell me."

"I don't know how," Katniss whispered. "If I tell you...Peeta, I'm scared- terrified. If I tell you, there's no going back. And forever is a long time."

Peeta shifted towards her with something close to exasperation written across his face. "I want forever with you! But if you can't or _won't_ let me in, then I suppose _you_ don't want forever. It's starting to sound like you don't, Katniss, and if that's the case, then please let me know."

"I'm not good at opening up to people! God, can you just give me a few fucking minutes, Peeta?"

"_A few minutes?_ Katniss, I've given you months!" Peeta breathed in and rub his face tiredly. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry. I don't want to pressure you, I don't want to yell, I don't like any of this."

Katniss bit her lip and looked down at her lap. "I don't either."

The more Katniss thought about it, the harder she found it to come out and tell Peeta everything that's been on the tip of her tongue. If she told him, there was a slight chance that she'd scare him off, or that he'd be even more upset that she never shared any of her family's issues with him in the first place.

"Peeta...I can't tell you. Maybe...maybe I just need to figure things out on my own first."

She needed to talk to her father, to clear all the bad air. She needed to reach out to him, and then maybe she could finally open up to Peeta without any fear. Maybe all she needed was too understand her own problems before laying them down on Peeta. That might just be the way to make it easier.

"Can you please...can you give me a few days?" Katniss asked quietly, desperation creeping in her tone. Peeta's expression took on another one of sadness, and Katniss felt that familiar sinking feeling begin in her gut. With every last once of desperation and hope, she pleaded with a whisper: "Please, Peeta. _Please..._"

Peeta stood and headed for the door. He didn't say a word. Didn't even look at her. As he slipped on his sneakers, Katniss realized what was happening, and she scrambled up from the couch after him.

"Peeta! No, don't leave like this-"

Peeta opened her door, but turned to face her. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were blank. "Leave like what? Leave like how _you _did? You know, I can't figure you out anymore. You're playing games, Katniss, and I'm sick of being the pawn...I'm sick of you playing with me like I don't have feelings."

"I'm not playing-"

"_You_ call me up in the middle of the night, _you_ ask for me, and then _you_ just shut me out! What do you want, Katniss? _What do you want?_" Peeta's eyes bore into hers as he waited for an answer, but Katniss didn't have one. Well, she wanted him, but he was beyond believing her at that point – she knew that much. After a moment of tense silence, Peeta breathed out loudly and gave a cold laugh. "I've waited on you for six months, Katniss. I can't do it anymore. We've run out of time, and maybe this was how it was supposed to be. You never wanted to be serious, did you? Now you've got your wish."

"Peeta..." Katniss tried to say more, but her throat felt as if it were closing.

"Deep down, I knew you didn't. But I was just so...I liked you so much, and we connected so well, so I ignored it." Peeta hung his head and gave a weak shrug, before lifting his head again. "It takes to two make a mess like this, I guess."

Peeta released his hold on the door handle and turned his back to her, walking down the hall.

"Don't go," Katniss called out hoarsely. "Peeta."

And, this time, she knew he wouldn't turn around. Though, that didn't mean it hurt any less when he didn't.

That night she laid awake in bed until the sun peaked over the horizon. She wanted to stay in bed forever, but the sun persisted in rising, so she made herself get up. Her mind was foggy and eyes were sore.

Katniss went through her usual Saturday routine which consisted of eating a bowl of yogurt and fruit, showering, and small house chores that took her to eleven o'clock. She spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch, wondering just how stupid she really was. It wasn't until much later at night when she saw something that made her brain start to function.

It was an advertisement of a father and daughter.

And suddenly she had a plan.

She had a plan. For Peeta, but also for herself.

* * *

Katniss waited on the front steps Sunday morning, her foot tapping impatiently. After what seemed like years, the door swung open and Katniss had to steady herself. She hadn't seen her father in a while, and it felt weird to see him again.

"Katniss?" He asked with disbelief and adjusted his glasses. "Look at you!"

Katniss ignored his greeting and crossed her arms. "I want you to tell me your side. I want you to make me understand why, Dad."

Katniss' father was a kind looking man, with dark, smooth hair that was greying, bright grey eyes, and a toothy smile that made people feel better in seconds. He was kind and funny, and Katniss remembered wanting to be just like him when she was younger. _Funny how things change, _Katniss thought.

Her father sighed and gave a nod. "Okay. Over breakfast? My treat," he offered with one of his kind smiles. Katniss exhaled and nodded once. "You drive." Katniss nodded again and headed to her car while her father got his things.

He came out a minute later and climbed into the passenger seat, smiling at Katniss. She only sighed and started up the car, pulling out of the driveway.

"You look good, dear."

Katniss focused on the road and swallowed thickly. "You don't look half bad yourself," she said. Her father was still in great shape.

"How's work? Are you still in design with your friend Johanna?" He asked kindly.

"Yeah, I am," Katniss said and turned into the lot of a breakfast restaurant.

"So, where do you want me to start?" Her father asked, taking a bite of his bacon strip.

"I don't know...the moment it fell apart?"

Katniss' father took a sip of his coffee and leaned back against his chair. Katniss waited silently, lamely playing with the syrup on her pancakes. Her father took of his glasses off and slowly began.

"Your mother...she had a tough life, Katniss. She was- _is _depressed and has been dealing with it since before you were born. You were so young, I don't think you knew what was happening to your mother." Katniss looked up and set her fork down. "She would stop taking her medication, stop eating...she would go into catatonic phases. And, Katniss, I swear to you I tried...I tried so hard to help her."

Katniss watched the distress unfold across her father's face in worried wrinkles and sad eyes. His bottom lip quivered, and Katniss bit her tongue to stop from saying anything.

"She was barely living, Katniss. There was only so much I could before things became out of my reach. And then there was you and Primrose. You were young and Primrose was even younger...and I couldn't have you girls growing up with your mother being like that, you have to understand that I wanted the best life for you girls. And maybe I went about it the right way, or maybe I didn't, but I damn well tried."

Katniss blinked a few times before finally speaking. "I know about all that, Dad. I've gone to see her. But I want to know why you abandoned her."

"That was not how it was, I swear to you. Your mother...she needed more help than what I could provide. So, yes, I got her medical help. I put her in a Psychiatric Unit. But do not think for a minute that I've stopped loving your mother, Katniss. I still love her with all my heart-"

"Then what about Lilia, Dad?" Katniss snapped.

Her father rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I love her too, Katniss. But your mother will always be the love of my life, and Lilia knows that."

_Lilia. Lilia Paylor. _Katniss couldn't help but associate that name with bile. She first officially met her when she was ten years old, the same year Katniss' mother "went away for a while." Katniss remembered Lilia coming by the house more often, and her father would always get a babysitter to watch over her and Prim on certain days. Katniss caught on quickly, she was sharp for her age.

"Did Mom ever know about Lilia _or _Clove? Did she, Dad? Is that what made her so depressed!" Katniss asked loudly, feeling hot anger run through her.

"Katniss, no! She never knew about them..."

"So, they were your side family. They were your picture perfect family, your pretty little life."

It wasn't until she was sixteen when her father sat her down and explained everything. Her mother's mental health, his affair with Lilia, and his daughter with Lilia. Katniss was thoroughly surprised when he father announced they'd be moving in; Lilia and Katniss' new ten year old half-sister, Clove.

"Make me understand, Dad. Make me understand why this was all okay!"

"It wasn't, Katniss! Your mother and I hadn't been happy for years. Things were hard and though I did – and still do – love her deeply, it wasn't enough to fight everything. But I found a new way to restore happiness. I found it in Lilia, in all you girls. And I hope you can see past the bad...and try to understand why I did what I did."

Katniss was silent for a while, filling the silence with her knife and fork scraping across her plate as she stuffed her face with pancakes. If love wasn't enough, then her and Peeta proved that. Wait, did she love Peeta? Her mind clouded over, but slowly she began to understand her father. It made her upset, but his solution was better than what she'd ever do. She would've ran the moment things got tough, if she were in her father's shoes.

"Have you seen Mom?"

Katniss' father smiled a gentle smile that made his eyes light up. "Every Sunday."

"I haven't gone in a month," Katniss admitted ruefully, shoving her plate off to the side while her father finished up his breakfast. "Last time I went...she just sat there and stared, like I wasn't even there."

"I know, dear. She hasn't acknowledged me in years. But I still visit her every Sunday...because deep down I think she knows." Katniss' father shrugged simply. "I promised her forever on our wedding day, and though we're no longer together in a sense, I'll still keep my promise."

Katniss felt the smallest of smiles tug at her lips.

"You ready to get out of this place?" He asked, and Katniss nodded.

* * *

"So, now I told you everything, I think it's time you told me what's going on with you," Katniss' father said as they walked up the front steps. "Come on, I noticed the bags under your eyes. I may be getting old, but I'm not blind yet."

Katniss paused by the door and looked away, the memories of the night before still raw. Peeta surely didn't mean what he said, right? He still wanted to be with her, she knew it. But a part of her wondered: _what if I messed things up for good?_

"Katniss?"

"I'm fine," Katniss mumbled, blinking rapidly because she did not want to cry. Crying was weak and she could not afford to be weak at that moment. She needed to be strong and independent because Peeta needs someone who is strong and capable to deal with things. _Yes exactly, _she thought.

"Is it a guy?" Katniss' father asked dumbly. "Are you pregna-"

"No, Dad! No..." Katniss felt something rise in her as she frantically denied his assumption. Tears pricked at the back of her eyes. And she couldn't hold it in any longer. The small, salty droplets slowly leaked out of her eyes and glided down her cheeks. "I-I'm not."

"Katniss," her father said softly under his breath, and he wasted no time in pulling her into a bear hug. Katniss wrapped her arms around him and rested her cheek on his shoulder and he gently rubbed her back like he did when she was younger. "What's wrong, dear?"

Katniss wiped her tears and pulled away. "I've lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. And it's all my fault."

Yes, Peeta was the best thing to ever happen to her. He made her feel safe, he motivated her, he cared so much for her. He was funny, the kind of funny that was underrated and witty. He was also so passionate about everything; about baking, painting, sports, family. _Everything_. Peeta's motto was if you're going to do something, you do it right and properly, not half-assed. So he always did everything to its full extent, and Katniss loved that about him. She envied it, too.

And maybe that's where she failed. She did not live as passionately as Peeta, she did not care as passionately as him, she did not pursue things as passionately as he did. And everything Peeta did was with so much passion and drive. Hell knew Katniss could only dream to be as passionate as he was.

"Then why are you standing around with your old man? Go fight for him."

Katniss gave her eyes one last wipe. "I thought you said love can't fight everything?"

"Yes, but I didn't say anything about fighting _for_ love, my dear." Katniss paused and looked at her father for a minute, long enough to see the grin spread across his face. "Ain't it worth trying?"

Katniss felt her legs move and she was already at her car by the time she could process her actions.

She was going to see Peeta. There was no more running, no more stalling. She was going to see him and finally open up.

* * *

Katniss knocked on the door of Peeta's apartment, and a minute went by before the lock jiggled and the door creaked open. Peeta stood on the other side in a pair of shorts and a wrinkled shirt that matched his unruly hair. The blue in his eyes stood out with the purple bags under them.

"W-what...what are you doing here, Katniss?" He asked hoarsely, his voice sounding rough and scratchy.

"Peeta, please hear me out," Katniss pleaded.

Peeta sighed and shook his head slightly. "I can't listen anymore, Katniss."

"You can't or you won't?"

"Both," Peeta whispered and pursed his lips into a thin line, though his eyes deceived him with a look of pain.

Katniss sighed out loud with frustration and ran a hand through her hair. "Goddammit, Peeta! Just- will you just listen for a minute? After I'll leave you alone if that's what you want."

Peeta titled his head and made no move to stop her as she opened her mouth to speak. Her hands shook and her heart was beating so fast and hard, that it almost felt painful.

"Peeta, I want you to show me how to live with passion and love. I want you to hold me when I'm sad. I want you to be the one I share everything with. I want to wake up in the morning with you beside me, or your scent on my pillows. I just want all this _emptiness_- and all this _sadness_ in me to go away," Katniss said quietly and met his eyes with caution. "...and it won't until I have you back."

Peeta stood there, his arms falling to his sides helplessly. He stared her in a way that was almost heartbreakingly hopeful and hopeless. She wondered which one he was really feeling; she wanted it to be hopeful.

"Don't do this...don't bring me back in if you're only going to leave," he warned weakly.

"I won't," Katniss said firmly, yet softly. She swallowed thickly and wrung her fingers nervously. "On Friday...I'd like for us to go somewhere- dinner. Go for dinner...and then I could tell you everything."

Just her and Peeta, a quiet dinner where she could tell him about everything she kept from him.

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

Katniss smiled and ducked her head. "I am. If you'll allow it."

"Only if you'll allow it?" Peeta said back, his voice still quiet.

"I'll allow it," Katniss confirmed, biting her lip. "Friday...eight o'clock? We can meet at the bar and then go?"

"Okay."

"Okay," Katniss echoed and took a step back. "I'll see you then."

Peeta leaned against his door frame and nodded. "See you then, Katniss. Have a good week."

Katniss headed for the elevator, and as she walked, each step made her feel lighter. Even with Peeta's gaze upon, she felt light and calm, and with one last parting glance over her shoulder, she caught a small grin on his face.

* * *

Katniss, just days before, wouldn't have imagined herself standing in front of her father's house ready to thank him. But she was. _Look at you, apologizing more than you ever have_, Katniss mocked herself internally.

The door opened and Katniss was ready to smile, until her eyes caught sight of a younger girl, closer to Prim's age, with dark-almost-black hair like her own and dark green eyes. Freckles dotted her nose, which was so alarmingly smiliar to Katniss'. The girl was more similar to Katniss than she ever thought. It had been years – less than two – since Katniss saw her last, due to clever avoidance. But a lot has changed the girl in that time; a young girl into young woman.

"Katniss? What a surprise to see you," she said, an edge to her tone. "I almost forgot we were a family. You know, with you barely coming around." Her eyes narrowed and lips pursed as her arms crossed over her chest.

"Clove," Katniss said evenly. "...hey."

Clove flipped her dark hair over her shoulder and gave faux-sincere smile. "Welcome back, _sis._"

And she let the screen door smack shut in Katniss' face.

Katniss stood there, dumbfounded and unsure on how to act. Her father was back in her life, she was on a somewhat better road with Peeta, and now her half-sister – who she'd been avoiding – hates her. _I do deserve it though, _Katniss admitted.

_One step forward and two steps back._

* * *

_A/n: Not a super amazing chapter...but it's sorta another filler for next chapter._

_Leave a review and tell me what you thought of this chapter._

_Find me on tumblr: peetamellaark_


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